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Never say never. I said I wouldn’t buy any more maternity clothes, and in fact I haven’t for the last three months. What I’ve been doing is adventuresomely buying post-pregnancy clothes without being able to try them on, in random sizes. Try and stop me.

However, it turns out I had one more event to go to, a school prom, and I really didn’t have anything to wear. In my ninth month any dress I own that still fits makes me look like a porn star in the bosom area, which is not cool when you work for a school.

So I had to buy a dress for the present, and I threw in a pair of white jeans for later.

None of this is ideal, mind you. I’m not excited about having to squeeze in a prom dress for a last, desperate attempt to look cute while holding the shape of a blimp. And I am aware that it will be a while after giving birth before I will want to wear white jeans. But what the heck.

I bring you the before

I bring you the “before”

and "after" photos

and “after” shots

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